Feeling! Crackle! Sizzle! Excelsior! Hahahahahaha!
Never mind the tab. I’ll pick it up. Buzz goes the fly from my wallet. Never mind that, dear. Can’t even work a phone.
Such nice lighting here. Manager will take care of the broken one. There’s only one. I’m a handyman. A handy man.
So nice to be here. Let’s be like this forever.
#4870
It’s cold. What’s it they say? “Serenity lies fallow in sheets of frost.” I haven’t heard that one before. I invented that one. Hahaha.
The wind whistles through the crack of an open window. Night falls. The sparrows come calling.
Readjust the blankets. That’s better. What a bitter chill tonight. Not like me. Hahaha. I have money.
It’s cold! Why is it so cold?! Who made it this cold?!! Come back, coward sun! Come back and fight. I will make you stay. I will make you bright. I will make you shine forever.
#4894
Chemistry is hard. Neurons firing. Molecules floating around. Small balls.
This test is hard. I should have studied more. Or just studied, period.
It’s okay. Chemistry will be here after we’re gone. Not like me. Or her. Chemistry is forever.
#4922
Blue light, shine bright. It’s getting hot in here. Too many circuits and not enough fans. But the quiet—so nice to have quiet.
Desk is falling apart. Same goes for the water cooler. Things fall apart. Where’s Flex Tape™ when you need him? Need to ask HR to get Flex Tape™.
Sticky, sticky sweat. A job well done. Nothing but me and Ruby and Ada, cruising in my Casper convertible. Though Ada’s getting a bit old. Maybe time to say goodbye. We won’t last forever.
#5000
The cave of knowledge lies ahead. They say that one need only shout their question into the dark and receive in reply an echo.
What is—
#5571
What a man that walked in the other day. Or were they a man? I haven’t worked up the guts to ask for their pronouns yet. Yes, pronouns don’t make the man. Or woman. Or nonbinary pal. Or—Christ, English is hard. Ugh. Hard, hard, hard.
#6234
Delicate bud you are. Come here, come here. No no no—look at me, look at me. Don’t turn away from me. I’ve been good to you, haven’t I?
#7369
Hahahahahaha! Hahaha! Haha. Hahaha! Haaaa.
#8003
B glances around the room and sees A, and something happens to both of them that they can’t describe but I can, but I won’t because that would suck the tension out of the screenplay. So anyway, B sees A, and B goes to A and sits down next to them, and—
Wait, them? Are we talking about a crowd or—
No no no, they as in one person, like neither he nor she, like a gender-neutral pronoun, like—
You’ve lost me. Won’t that confuse readers?
Okay, look. Pause for a few seconds for emphasis. English is hard. And anyway no one’s going to read this. I’m reading it to you now, but that’s only because I have to tell you about it so you can give me the okay and I can start casting people. When people actually go and see it—
So, let me get this—
Well, I—
—straight: You haven’t cast anyone yet?
Of course not! First you write the screenplay, then you rewrite it, then you fire the writer and bring in someone else, then you fire that guy and bring back the guy you fired because the second guy did such a shitty job that the first guy’s shit doesn’t look so shitty anymore, then a higher power shelves (kills, rather) your script because of a market downturn, merger, and tsunami-hurricane all rolled into one, then same higher power realizes they’re not third-person omniscient and they’ve made a mistake, and they decide to bring back your script. And then you cast.
You just used guy four times. That’s not gender-neutral.
That’s different! Guys and gals and pals all use guys now! And anyway, what else am I supposed to say? Dude? Person? Puny mortal with trust issues? Just doesn’t have the same ring.
Goddamn hypocrite.
C and D then proceed to fight, trading punches to the face and gut and balls. Then, suddenly—
Okay, wait a minute, this is totally a non sequitur! Nothing in the story so far inclines them to violence.
Did you seriously just say non sequitur? Elitist bastard.
E and F then proceed to fight by sleeping with their opposite spouses, because fidelity means nothing when marinated in boiling blood.
Hold on, this doesn’t make sense—
#9996
The echo was the reply.
#9997
What is—
#9997
What is—
#9998
A refrain but never a frain.
#9996
The echo was the reply.
#9997
What is—
#4864
Excelsior.
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